Men’s Guide to Starting Therapy
If you’ve made it to this page, congrats! Whether you’re just starting to figure out if therapy is for you, or you're ready to book your first session, you’re on an exciting path that can lead to greater feelings of peace, satisfaction, and happiness.
Let’s be honest- therapy can feel intimidating, especially if you’ve never done it. You might be asking: How do I find a therapist? How do I know if they’re the right fit? What am I supposed to say once I get there? This guide breaks it all down in plain terms so you know what to expect and how to get the most out of it.
Do I Really Need Therapy?
This is a tough question to answer- but if you’re reading this, there’s probably something that feels off.
Men go to therapy for a lot of different reasons, these can include:
A partner or loved one said it’s therapy or the relationship is over
You snap at your friends, kids, or partner; even when you wish you could stop
You feel down a lot; it's hard to feel truly happy
You feel like you are there for everyone else, but nobody is really there for you
You have a lot of what you always wished for, but it’s not making you happy like you thought it would
Whether you’re dealing with something specific or just feeling off, therapy can help. For some guys, it’s a short-term tool to handle things like stress, sleep issues, or reaching goals. For others, it’s a long-term space to talk things through with someone objective who cares. Sometimes, it’s both. Either way, the key is finding a therapist who fits you and your needs.
Finding the Right Therapist:
First stop: Psychology Today’s therapist directory. This is one of the most widely used platforms for finding licensed therapists in your area.
After entering your ZIP code, you’ll want to consider:
Insurance and Fees- Check whether they accept your insurance. If you’re paying out-of-pocket, look for therapists with a “sliding scale”—a flexible fee based on your income.
Specialites- Each therapist will have a list of their specialties on their profile. Make sure they specialize in what you’re hoping to work on. Ideally, you would find a therapist who has your concern areas listed as one of their “top specialties” on their profile.
Connection- Look at their photo and read their bio. Assess if they seem friendly, welcoming, or like they’d fit well with your personality.
Try to find 2-4 therapists who you could see yourself working with, and reach out to them for a free 15-minute consultation call, or initial session.
What Happens in That First Session?
You’ve made it into the office, or into the virtual therapy space… now what? That first session can be a bit awkward- you’re used to keeping everything inside, and now a stranger is expecting you to open up.
Your therapist might ask about your background, daily life, relationships, or what brought you in. You don’t have to dive into your deepest feelings right away. If you’re not sure where to start, you can even talk about your hobbies, your job, or why therapy felt like a good next step.
If you want to prepare ahead of time, consider:
What are you hoping to get out of therapy?
What’s your main reason for coming to therapy?
Do you have specific goals for therapy?
There’s no “right” way to do therapy. What matters most is being honest and showing up.
Figuring Out If a Therapist Is a Good Fit
Your first few interactions with a new therapist are a try-out period. Don’t feel locked in. Research is clear that the most important factor of how well you will succeed in therapy is your relationship to the therapist. If you feel awkward, judged, or like they don’t match your personality, you won’t get much out of it.
After the first couple of session, ask yourself:
Did they ask you thoughtful, meaningful questions?
Was their style helpful to you? (for example: if the therapist is very focused on solutions, is that ok with you?)
Do they make you feel understood?
Did youI feel listened to, without judgement?
Did they provide helpful insights into your problems? Or tools to help you manage what I'm dealing with?
If the answer is mostly yes, keep going. If not, it might be time to try someone else—and that’s completely normal.
When It’s Not Working
If you’ve given it a few sessions and it’s still not clicking, it’s okay to move on. Even a great therapist isn’t the right match for everyone. One of the easiest ways to handle this is to tell your therapist honestly—either in session or through a message—that you don’t think it’s the right fit. You can also ask them for referrals to someone else who might be better suited.
Therapists are professionals. We don’t take it personally.
The Work Starts Here
Whether you find a great therapist on the first try, or need to shop a bit, you can be proud of the steps you’ve taken to improve your life. Therapy has the power to help you think more clearly, manage stress better, improve relationships, and become more grounded in who you are.
Walking into that first session might feel uncomfortable. But so is staying stuck.
