How to Build Your Self-Care Toolkit
“Make sure you leave time for self-care!”
Sound familiar?
Self-care is one of those phrases in our culture so often used it’s nearly lost meaning. What exactly is self-care? What does self-care look like for you? How do you start to engage in self-care after a lifetime of self-sacrifice and self-neglect?
Simply put, self-care is a diverse set of activities and routines that allow you to feel your best physically and mentally. Self-care looks different for everyone, and a self-care toolkit should be tailored to meet your needs.
When building a strong toolkit for self-care, there’s a few things you need to consider:
Time:
I often hear from men that their ideal self-care activity is generally a task that involves quite a bit of time and energy away from home and other responsibilities. Eighteen holes of golf, a weekend hunting trip, or an evening out with friends to watch a football game are all wonderful forms of self-care! But what if your friends are busy? Or your kid’s soccer schedule conflicts with your golf plans? If these large, time-consuming activities are your only form of self-care, you’re likely struggling to get regular and meaningful time to rest and recharge.
The first step in building your self-care toolkit is coming up with 3-4 activities in each of the following categories: daily self-care, weekly self-care, monthly self-care.
For example:
Daily:
Exercise
Meditation
Stretching
Reading
Journaling
Watching an episode of your favorite tv show (without your phone in your hand!)
Calling or texting a friend
Spending dedicated time with your spouse or partner
Engaging in your at-home hobbies
Weekly:
A weekly game night with friends
Getting a coffee out by yourself before or after work
A regular exercise class
Monthly
A Saturday spent golfing
Buying yourself something you’ve been excitedly saving for
A night out with your partner or friends
Once you’ve found a list of activities in each of these categories, you should next consider the variance of your toolkit.
Variance:
Another common refrain I hear from men in my office is this: “I have self-care. I workout 6 days a week!” This is another common mistake in building up a regular set of self-care activities. Men will often forget to diversify the tools at their disposal. Rigorous exercise is great, but what if you get sick? Or break a leg? Or need surgery? Suddenly, the entire system of emotional wellbeing and regulation has been shattered, and you are left without another way to cope. Just as you created activities for daily, weekly, and monthly self-care, it’s now time to create activities that fall into each of the following variation categories: mind, body, social, logistic.
For example:
Mind:
Journaling
Meditation
Reading
Learning through a podcast or YouTube tutorial
Engaging in hobbies that challenge you mentally
Body:
Stretching
Exercise (vigorous such as running or lifting, and gentle such as walking or yoga)
Regularly showering
Brushing your teeth
Washing your face
Social:
Meaningful engagement with your friends, partner, family members such as parents or siblings, or your children
Logistic:
Weekly or monthly check-ins about your long-term goals
Waking up 20 minutes earlier so you have time to yourself before you get your kids ready for school
Meal prepping so you have nutritious dinners ready to go during the week
Building your self-care toolkit is the first step in a long process of beginning to care for yourself more. While this article provides a quick set of examples and ideas, it’s important that you engage in self-care that is most meaningful to you, and most feasible for your schedule and lifestyle. Don’t be afraid to take the activities on this list and use it as a starting point for building your own toolkit. Ultimately, the best self-care practices are the ones that support your well-being and can be consistently incorporated into the routine of your everyday life.
